I met a little boy
Posted by caimartlew on 16 Oct 2008 at 04:58 pm | Tagged as: About Me
Most people who read this are not interested in my life. They don’t wish to read silly little things about someone that they have never met. However for my close friends and anybody kind enough to show interest in how I think. I’m going to share with you a very profound moment in my life.
In order to respect the privacy of the people involved in this I am not going to name names. However yesterday was a profound experience for me indeed.
One of my best friends has a sister who sadly and unfortunately had a miscarriage very late in the pregnancy. I’ve never really felt at ease with her because the child which lost his life shared a name with me. Although the spelling is different our names are pronounced in exactly the same way. Yesterday I went to visit the little boy’s grave which was in a local area, I don’t really know why but it seemed the right thing to do.
It was a dreay day. The skys were overcast, the air was chilled, the grass was plush under our feet. A light rain was falling. A truly Welsh day on the coast. A little chapel, seemingly in the middle of nowhere, completely lonely lost in the Welsh hills. This was where my friend’s family had come to for many things. He was christened there, his siblings were married there and Kai was buried in the graveyard outside.
My blood ran icy cold, my heart slowed and my nerves wavered as we approached the grave. There was no gravestone as such but merely some of Kai’s toys marking where the boy was laid to rest.
Being there was definitely on of the strangest moments of my life thus far. The fact that we completely coincidentally shared a name and that this person had had a contact (however small) with my life was enough to make me get sort of stuck in a kind of loop.
I’m an atheist…completely. I don’t believe in god or an afterlife but grave yards completely fly in the face of what I know. Looking at that grave my soul felt pressed, uneasy and stirring. From what I know I can’t explain it. It took my friend to drag me away and to try and lighten the mood before I sort of came out of it.
Thinking about the value of names they are incredibly valuable. If you consider Romeo and Juliette, ‘What is in a name?’ says Juliette musing to herself on her balcony. Unfortunately it’s all in the name, they die because of their names. If Romeo wasn’t a Montague there would be no problem. Without a name who are you? How can you achieve anything? Although it’s not impossible it would certainly be very hard to exist with no name at all.
It’s strange to think that in some far off corner of Wales a boy that I never knew but with the same name as me has a grave… chilling
I’m sorry If I offend anyone with this but I thought the experience was worth sharing.
Has anyone else experienced anything like this?
I can’t really imagine how you feel.
The only comparable thing I cna think of is a few years ago I typed in my name ” Craig Owen Lewis” into google iamges, and on the 2nd page, a picture of a grave stone for that exact name came up, whose date of birth was 1989 (same as mine) but died in 1997. That kinda freaked me out. The pictures not there though anymore….bunt I think I might have it on my computer somewhere…
The other thing was a story recently on the welsh news. Me and my parents were listening to it in the background.
“Hundreds of mourners dressed in Wales rugby shirts gathered today to pay their last respects to teenager Craig Owen who died when a sand tunnel collapsed on him.
Craig, 16, from Brymbo, Wrexham, died on August 3 while playing on holiday at Cefn Sidan beach in Carmarthenshire.
His parents, Ron and Jayne, invited those attending the funeral at Pentrebychan crematorium to wear rugby shirts.
The Welsh national anthem was played as his coffin, draped in a Welsh flag, was carried inside.
The Rev James Aylward paid tribute to Craig, who was known as ‘Smiler,’ on behalf of his parents, saying: “Craig could never be described as shy, he was always game for a laugh.
“Thinking of the happy times eases our pain.
“He was very bright and never big headed - we never had to chase him to revise. He set his own targets and never failed to achieve them.”
Craig had been expecting top grades in his GCSEs which he had just taken before going on holiday.
Made me feel awful. Although this guy was no relation to me, I’d never met him, never known him…just because he shared 2 of my names with me, was welsh, a keen studier, up for a laugh, and died just digging a tunnel at a beach…something small…kinda sent a shiver down my spine. It was horrible.
I can’t really compare that to your experience though. Were you expecting that visit…or? Because I know it’s been a while since you’ve known about it.
Ray x
I’d say that your experience is definitely comparable just not the same. If you were actually at the grave of someone who shared your name I guess the experience would be different again.
I’d wanted to go for a while to pay my dues but we just happened to be in the area when we went. So not much time to prepare for it and to be honest I really don’t understand why I had that reaction. It just doesn’t make sense.
The saddest thing about which I’ve just realized is that I only half went there to show respect for the lost child. The other half is that I went there because he shared my name. I guess I’m just conceited…
Hmmm I’m still glad I went.